Confessions (Reposted)

Note: Posted a year ago


Love, according to them, is the most overwhelming feeling you’ll ever feel. However, when inverted (I mean, ignored), is the deadly feeling a person could feel. Yes, I believe in that.

I am a person that when I say I don’t love you, I really don’t, but when I say I do, I definitely do. I have been so unsocial for past weeks already. I neglected to share some tidbits of this situation of mine because I felt so weak. I undermined myself. I was confused. I am honestly still confused.

The reason of mine is that I am new to this. I mean, I seldom hang out with people like him. I am used to be with individuals who are also in my world. In other words, people who do what I do, think in critical level as I do, dreaming similar to me. But, he is different. He hangs out with people in all levels. He see people in the same level. He is out-going. He is outspoken. He is good. He is bad. He is respectful. There are times he’s not. He dares to shout at me. He dares to ignore me. He dares to text me painful words. He got silent when I am angry. He doesn’t reply when I texted him in a harsh manner. He don’t answer my complicated questions. He lefts me hanging at times. He don’t show his feelings, even though his inbox is already flooded of mine. He don’t explain!

However, there are times that when I am good (when I am not in myself, probably.), he texts me that he do care, that he do love me and I effin’ly believe and made myself happy. Again, I BELIEVE THAT HE LOVES ME AND CARES FOR ME. Needless to say, I am happy when I am with him.

Perhaps, reason that I do is I am challenged of his character. He has something in his past that I learned to accept. But, I bet he don’t know that.

I do heart him because he is a person I believe is new to me. He entered my world and I let him. I am interested in him because I could learn something different.

I am a person also that ensures a good future. Though, he is a person who believes that future might not come so make the most of today. In no doubt, we are too opposite. That perhaps the reason behind this love of mine.

I did not played, honest to say. I was and am confused. I am a person who knows how to fight. But I am also a person who gives up. I have this mind that overthinks. I decide through that thinking. I suffer because of that too. Further, I don’t want to suffer.

That is, I learn to leave though I do feel the most painful in here, in this insensitive (now sensitive) chest.

He is leaving somewhere. Actually, this is the second to the last sunrise that I’ll be seeing him. I have to accept that.

Before bidding farewell, all I just wanna say is that I want me to learn something from this experience and I hope he too. Even though I fed him not too much nice, I hope he do. I will remember him in many good days we shared and I hope he too.

To this time, I feel something deadly. True, I did something to our love. I inverted it.